Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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