it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
