end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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