absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
