She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize