I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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