You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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