I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
that may or may not have been my penis.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize