I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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