Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
