haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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