I'm gonna have a badass scar
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
