how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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