When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
