***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
