I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
