You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
