Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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