I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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