Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize