My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
