I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
