Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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