i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I touched a dick in church today
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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