did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize