Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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