someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
