My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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