Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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