Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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