there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
