we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
