I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize