Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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