is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
