oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
