I think i sorta joined a cult last night
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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