Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
