i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
