The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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