I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
