You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
