I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
