My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
