id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
