she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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