she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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