booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
