my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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