it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
