I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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