Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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