I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
