since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
