Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
