a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
