You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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