I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
