Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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