her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
