My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
there is glitter all over my balls
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
