she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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