Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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