Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
