the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
