Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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