I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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