just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
