You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
