I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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